On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My penis needs a shock collar
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
