That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
