I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize