haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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