I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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