Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
How does it feel to date your dad?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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