i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
