Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
They have beer where we have blood.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
