I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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