my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
