you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
