On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
