You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
