best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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