If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
