Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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