R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
