Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
