The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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