Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
