wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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