actually, I'm a sock model
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize