I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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