Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
All I want is dick and wine.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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