I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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