Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
