thus making me awesome and them whores
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
