tell your sister to shave her snatch
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
