PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
