i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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