I'm really into asian looking animals
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
