I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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