lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
