ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
