She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
