Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
