That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
