Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
My ass is underappreciated
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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