How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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