Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
