This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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