3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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