The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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