I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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