I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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