I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
