I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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