:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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