Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
