When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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