Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
