He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
