I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize