I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
