if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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