I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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