your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
