Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
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