Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
