$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
