i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
