Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
