You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
