birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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