This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Randomize