i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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