That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
