does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
