I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
