Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize