Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
