She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
