he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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