Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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