no, he came in my armpit
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
