Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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