I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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