i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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