he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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