I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
