This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
