Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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