you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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