Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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