Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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