I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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