Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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