I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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