I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
