I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize