I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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