I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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