If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize