There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
