my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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