just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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