If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
