Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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