Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
