her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
