Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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