I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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